Needs are non negotiable, but can be prioritized depending upon the circumstances. Using this pyramid as a tool to explore what is first and foremost in our interests at any given time is one way to begin the journey on the road to new solutions.
Life is not linear, nor always hierarchical. I choose to look as this chart in a context of our Network of Needs. At any given time, many of our needs are met without any conscious awareness. When we feel hungry, we know we need to eat. When we are entwined in our lover’s arms, we feel love and belonging. When that nagging sense of discomfort clouds our sense of well-being, we may explore what is it that we need, rather than trying to cover it up with substances or behaviors that mask the discomfort.
When we are in the midst of a dispute, we certainly must choose what it is we really need to feel we have received a satisfactory settlement of the dispute, or it will not be a durable solution. The specific needs may vary throughout the process of mediation as the exploration into the relationship between parties becomes clear. As I have noted in my blog about Moral Foundations, there may be much deeper needs to be addressed than those that are apparent at first. You can perform this task for yourself prior to a formal dispute resolution process.
As you find a quiet place and time to contemplate the situation, you can begin to ask yourself about your needs, your values, and the core underpinnings of your sense of morality. Sure, you may feel you are being treated unfairly in some situation. That may fall under the need to feel safety and security, or it may relate to your need to have a sense of self-esteem in relation to the position you find yourself in.
I invite you to take that journey through the network of your need, to explore the foundation of your moral sense of self, and to open up the way to new solutions offering durable, satisfying relationships.